thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
