we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
