Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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