It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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