If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
