Plan B is the new Plan A
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
