Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
