The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
