there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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