He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
