she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
