I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I think i got beer on your cat.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
