i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
