By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
