u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
