You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
