Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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