There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I will die if light touches me.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Randomize
