i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
