I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
