I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Randomize
