Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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