I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
