your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Randomize
