none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
