I've blown a few things in my day
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
