sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I enjoy the company of your penis
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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