my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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