pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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