drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Hippo gnu deer
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
