can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you traded sex for a burrito?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
