Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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