I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
