i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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