I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
