in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
