I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
