My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
