jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
