I need help removing her.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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