wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
