nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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