woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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