His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
