You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
