I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You dont lie about slip and slides
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
