"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Sorry my hands just texted you
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
