he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
