Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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