I could make wine with my vomit
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
