Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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