I hope mine doesn't look like that
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
