well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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