just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
