hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
