I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
im on a boat
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