hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
