dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
