I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
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