So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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