I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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